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I just got home. All my stuff were moved back to his room. I told him he’s wasting his time because I’m not going any where near him, let alone sleep with him. His replies with something like,

Stop trying to be strong. I heard you crying last night. You can sleep with me. I won’t fall in love with you again. If we both try really hard, we can sleep together without being in love. You haven’t been sleeping well have you?

I need to get myself out of this apartment asap omg. He’s right. I am not strong. I am just really good at pretending. 

Just got the best, most articulate message of encouragement and advice from one of my followers. wow. You inspire me. 

You know who you are, JR, youth advocate. Thank you. 

on instagram for throwback thursday I should just post a picture of me and one of my exes just to piss him the fuck off. LOL Yes, even I am capable of that ;)

It’s scary, this breaking up ordeal…because I actually cannot imagine living with anyone else. I can’t see myself with anyone else. Like anyone I meet from now on will just be second best. And I don’t know if this happens with you guys but now that we’ve broken up, I keep remembering very minor scenes of our relationships. like I don’t know why but I keep recalling those night train rides home together. They weren’t even special. We were just sitting and talking…yet I feel like that’s what I’ll miss the most. 

That said, I understand the science of this whole break up business perfectly. I am still in the delusional stage. Time will heal everything. Who knows…maybe by next summer, I will be laughing at this and wondering wtf was I thinking. 


Anonymous said: So what happen now.?

We just had another argument. Full of shouting. Over the phone…even though we’re in the same house lol. I feel like I’ve aged backwards just going through this break up. I feel like am immature high school student. This is the weirdest break up I have ever been through. no doubt.

Anonymous said: I hope Tae Yang's 눈, 코, 입 helped lift your mood up. Because it sure did mine

lol it did the opposite of lift my mood.

Anonymous said: After all the time you two have been together, is it really that easy to just say goodbye?

It’s not. I want him to walk in this room right now, give me a hug and tell me the last two days have just been a bad dream. But what can I do. 

Is it weird that I am so passed the stage of being sad or angry? I am just tired. I am laughing at this. 

I just asked him about the stuff on his phone. You will not believe his response. Something along the lines of…”It’s for work. I have to be friendly with these people. i know you don’t understand. The world is a scary place. I didn’t want you to see. But it’s good that you saw. It’s just for work. I love you and you know that.”

Unbelievable.

I told him I wanted to end this relationship. I told him that if he’s ever feeling lonely he can come to me, but there will no longer be any emotions. I almost choked up when I gave him back the sticky notes. I told him he had to keep it out of my sight because I would be tempted to open one if it’s near me. I moved all my stuff to the other room. As I’m typing this, he’s moving everything back. lol. 

"you said if I’m lonely I can come to you right? what if I’m lonely right now? and every moment after this conversation?" 

Aren’t we such idiots? Anyways, two more months, and I’m either finding my own place or flying back home. Good riddance LHK. You got caught. This city changed you too fast. 

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